Isaac Hydoski, one of pastors at Covenant Life, has written a paper addressing the topic of online dating. Here’s an overview of the big points.
Concerns:
Expensive
Time-consuming
False hope
Safety
Compromise
Can reinforce self-focused view of relationships
Loss of protection from church community
New temptations
Counsel:
Discern your motives (Jeremiah 17:9; Luke 6:43-45; James 1:14)
Involve your community (Proverbs 11:14, 15:22, 20:18, 24:6; Hebrews 3:12,13, 10:24,25)
Know your values and convictions (Ephesians 5:10)
Communicate your values and convictions (Zechariah 8:16; Ephesians 4:15, 25)
Ask about their values and convictions (Ephesians 5:6,7; Proverbs 24:21; 1 Corinthians 15:33)
Here’s his conclusion:
In summary, if you are participating in online dating, please know that we love you and we support you. Our concerns are just that: concerns. We want to see you experience God’s grace in Christ Jesus and we want to be faithful to show you some of the significant pitfalls as we see them, so you can be protected from discouragement and danger.
Ιf you are considering participating in online dating, please weigh our concerns and make your decision carefully and with much prayer and counsel.
You ask: “What is at all compelling about marriage? Why would we even want to be married?”
The “compelling” comes only from the right combination of internal realities and objective truths about God’s design for marriage. When the right combination is not there, marriage is not compelling and should not be. I would say the same thing about singleness.
I will start and end with my main point and, in the middle, cover a wide terrain of Scripture to support it. My main point is that God promises those of you who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children, and he calls you to display, by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness, the truths about Christ and his kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage and childrearing. The truths, namely,
That the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ;
That relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families (and, of course, it is wonderful when relationships in families are also relationships in Christ; but we know that is often not the case);
That marriage is temporary, and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face to face;
That faithfulness to Christ defines the value of life; all other relationships get their final significance from this. No family relationship is ultimate; relationship to Christ is.
To say the main point more briefly: God promises spectacular blessings to those of you who remain single in Christ, and he gives you an extraordinary calling for your life. To be single in Christ is, therefore, not a falling short of God’s best, but a path of Christ-exalting, covenant-keeping obedience that many are called to walk.
Biblical reflection on the theological significance of singleness also presents a challenge for the church. . . . The primary task of the church (beyond worship and glorification of God) is to raise and nurture spiritual children in making disciples (Matt 28:19). As such we recognize that the present world is not our home but we are aliens and sojourners (1 Pet 2:11) awaiting our inheritance which is kept in heaven (1 Pet 1:4). But if the primary call to the church is a spiritual task, then who is better to dedicate themselves to this task than those who are undistracted by the burdens of home and family? Thus the single person has theological challenge which is also posed by Scriptures. If they have the ability to remain single (and if they do, this is good), then they in fact also have a greater responsibility to invest themselves in service to the kingdom of God.
In addition, the presence and ministry of single people is vital for the Church in another sense. It is a visible reminder that the kingdom of God points to a reality which stands beyond worldly pre-occupations of marriage, family and career. The gospel message of the Kingdom of God stands for and represents something greater than all the blessings and satisfactions which the present world has to offer. Encouraging men and women to remain single for the sake of the kingdom is a tangible way by which the Church demonstrates this truth.
Is your church family-friendly? Does your church provide family programming? Does your church defend family values? If so, you may be guaranteeing yourself a perilous future. According to recently released 2005 Census Bureau data, for the first time ever the traditional marriage is no longer the preferred living arrangement in the majority of U.S. households.
Just six years ago, married couples made up 52 percent of American households. Today, that number has dipped to 49.8 percent of the 105.5 million American households. Meanwhile, the percentage of other households has climbed to 50.2 percent. Those households include 36.7 million households where heterosexual or gay couples cohabitate together out of wedlock, 14 million households headed by single women, and 5 million households headed by single men. There are also 30 million households with unmarried men and women living alone; they are not categorized as families at all.
. . .
In conclusion, churches that want to reach the growing number of singles will have to examine everything from their promotions to staffing to programming or risk not reaching what has suddenly become the majority of Americans.
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