Dealing with Conflict

Reformation21 has a solid article by C. J. Mahaney (Wikipedia | Theopedia) on dealing with relational conflicts. He draws his comments on James 4:1–2 and draws three main points:

1. Conflict Is More Serious Than We Think
2. Conflict Is Simpler to Understand Than We Think
3. Conflict Is Easier to Resolve Than We Think

Here are a few highlights from the article:

Conflict Is More Serious Than We Think

When we quarrel and fight, God sees war and murder. What we may see as an “issue” between two individuals, God sees as a violation of his holy law rooted in covetousness and self-exaltation. Quarrels and fights reveal the presence of sin—and not simply sin against another person, but ultimately and most seriously, sin against God. Conflict is far worse than we think.

Conflict Is Simpler to Understand Than We Think

“Cravings underlie conflicts” is an excellent summation of the wisdom found in James 4. Why do we fight? Because we don’t get what we want. It’s that simple. Wherever there’s a conflict—whether it’s between two people or two countries—there’s a sinful craving that hasn’t been satisfied yet. There’s no deeper reason.

Conflict Is Easier to Resolve Than We Think

No matter its duration, intensity, severity, or subject matter, the solution is found in James 4:10: “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” This non-negotiable divine command is accompanied by a promise.

. . .

But in light of the seriousness of my sin against God, how can forgiveness be so easy? There’s just one answer. It can only be this easy because the Savior has done the unimaginably difficult.

On the cross, the Son of God resolved the most serious conflict: the conflict between a holy God and wicked sinners. It has been settled, completely and forever, through the substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus Christ. . . .

Because that infinitely serious conflict with God has been resolved, there is hope for resolving every human relational conflict. When we have humbled ourselves before God through repentance, we are then equipped by grace to seek interpersonal resolution. With our sins against God forgiven, we can begin to find reconciliation with others.

The whole article is worth reading. You may want to file it away for counseling. Perhaps there are some nuggets of truth that you need to be reminded of to help you deal with conflict in your own life.

HT: Joshua Harris

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